Why all young carers deserve support – even those who don't meet traditional definitions

We are a few weeks on now from Carers Week, the incredibly important annual campaign to raise awareness of caring and highlight the challenges carers face, and I can't stop thinking about one aspect of this whole vital issue.

The theme of this year's campaign was 'Caring About Equality' and it delved into how carers of-all-ages miss out on opportunities in their education, careers or personal lives.

This is undoubtedly true, but the question I keep coming back to is what happens to those carers who fall outside of the official definitions of, for example, a young carer - for the purposes of this article I will be focusing on that cohort as it is the one we cater for at Tunnelite.

What support does a child who may not be looking after a parent with a serious illness or disability, but does take on many of the roles of a carer, get and if they don't have that support are they at risk of missing out on so much of what life should be at that age?

To answer these questions more fully, I want to look a bit wider first.

As Carers Week correctly identified, especially when it comes to those carers who are at greater risk of poverty, social isolation and poor mental and physical health, the major impact on youngsters taking on a caring role is that they have less time and ability to do the things which children who do not have such responsibilities can routinely enjoy.

As young carers spend their spare time cooking, cleaning or generally looking after those individuals who need help, they also need to find time to do their homework. They may also miss out on activities such as taking part in sport or other hobbies, seeing their friends and so on.

This comes on top of the mental strain young carers face. The responsibility they must take on is extreme. While some adults may experience similar issues, their extra maturity means they have the ability to compartmentalise issues and to understand that if, and when, things go wrong, they are not to blame.

In such circumstances, young people are striving hard to do their very best in extremity. Everything falls on their shoulders.

Many of the tasks young carers take on may be seen as normal chores, from helping with younger siblings to doing the washing up.

I absolutely agree that children and young people should learn how to do these tasks and should pull their weight around the house. But, sometimes, this does not happen in an equitable or fair way. It should not be the case that the child has to do all this work without any support.

Carers Week, which ran from June 9-15 but which provides insights that should remain with our politicians and NHS all year round, highlighted all of these challenges while recognising the contribution carers make to their families and to the community in general.

To return to my original question, I believe there remains a huge issue that needs to be addressed around the definition of what makes someone a carer or young carer, and how those children who may fall just outside of that definition can be helped.

As things stand, that definition is very broad. It covers any young person who is caring for a relative, sibling or parent with a lifelong and debilitating condition that means they're unable to care for themselves.

In my case, as a young person, I helped my family with what you might call ‘more mild’ tasks. I would look after medication and help with school collections for my younger sibling, as well as pack lunches and general household chores before my parents came home.

As one example from my own childhood, when I was at school, I had to do all my homework at lunchtime in the library as my caring/older sibling duties would take up every moment of the evenings.

My parents were working, so I certainly considered myself a young carer. I still believe I was. But when it came to whether I met that broad definition, the answer was no.

I should say that the support available to young carers in this country is generally good, whether from official authorities or charities. The opportunity is there for young carers to have much needed days out (and off), to take a vital break from their caring roles and to get some well-deserved respite.

All of that is brilliant, but it is naturally not available to those young people who fall outside of the official definition. That means not everyone is catered for. Young carers, like I was, who may not be dealing with the most serious scenarios but are still facing situations that come with increased responsibility and pressure, are often left without help. This includes the “parentified child.”

It is those young people who I am able to offer some much-needed extra support to. I am not here to step on other people's toes when it comes to giving respite, because – as I say – those organisations and charities are doing a great job.

It is the gaps in the system which I am here to help fill. As I say, I have been in this situation myself, I understand the intricacies of changing or unbalanced relationships and I can help with the mental load. In my opinion, it meant I grew up too quickly, and I’m now at 27 years old, learning to put myself first in some situations.

I'm a huge believer in early intervention. If I'd had the help earlier in my journey, then I would be further along my path to recovery now.

I can provide a little bit of that early intervention. I can sit with people and talk through those feelings that a lot of young people, for whatever reason, don't understand.

I can support young people to prioritise their daily tasks and to become more resilient and independent. This can be with studying, or chores around the house.

Perhaps most importantly, by being able to provide assistance and advice I can help these young people to see that they are not alone, that there are people who can – and will – help them.

That can make the biggest difference of all.

I offer a host of services, from mentorship and tutoring to mental health workshops. If you want to know more about how I can help you or your child, you can fill out an enquiry form here  or contact me on Facebook .